With Valentine's Day right around the corner, we're pretty much on a roll in terms of these Valentine's Day articles. However, we're not done just yet. After covering the likes of Romantic Resto's in CMB to How to not muck up your Valentine's Day to Valentine's Day Events for folks who don't know what to do on the 14th. And if we're quite honest, it didn't seem right to not acknowledge the peeps who won't be Valentin-ing with anyone this year.
So, without much further ado, here are a bunch of things that some single people can relate to on Valentine's Day.
Note: If anyone feels attacked, we urge you not to. We're not serious, so please don't kill us.
Don't worry, you're not the only one. Come Valentine's Day, everyone goes through a phase when they immediately start hating on every kind of romantic thing under the sun. From cheesy Tik Tok videos to your favourite rom-com, you detest even the idea of love and basically every poem by John Donne. Real love doesn't exist, you tell yourself but silently hope for something to pop up at some point.
One absolutely good thing about being single is the mere fact that we happen to follow the simple phrase of every man for himself. Or if you're one of those people who don't think that they need a model bod to get someone, it's your time to shine.
While all those unfortunate souls dwell on how they need to look good in that dress, we are completely at liberty to get your food on and not having a care in the world about its consequences. Come Valentine's Day, the time has come to show the world just how many slices of pizza you can eat till you start getting that pregnancy glow.
We've all been there. Copying the coping mechanism of some dramatic love-struck heroin in her attempt at getting over her male infatuation, from some chick flick we've watched at least a 100 times; you too might have found yourself on your bed, in the comfiest pair of pj's in your closet with a series of movies to chase those self-inflicted blues away.
In another edition of 'The Bitter Truth', we can guarantee that every single one of us has gone through the 'I don't need a man' stage during this particular day. Even if all of you won't be going through this melodrama, we're positive that some of you will.
With Beyonce's Single Ladies in the background, you're going to be all dressed up and looking down at all those sad couples who depend on someone else to make them happy, up until the song ends and you're back to singing Dear No One by Tori Kelly all over again.
4:00: "Wallow in self-pity."
4:30: "Stare into the abyss."
5:00: "Solve world hunger, tell no one."
6:30: "Dinner with me. I can’t cancel that again.
7:00: "Wrestle with my self-loathing. I’m booked. Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9, I could still be done in time to lay in bed, staring at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness. But, what would I wear?” — The Grinch
The fluffy red teddy bears and the abundance of shiny pink chocolates and the excessive amount of cheese in the world can be a bit much for anyone, let alone for single people. And while the chances of someone with a better half going all Hulk on this stuff is a possibility, the chance of a single person going all Destructo mode is a lot higher. And we're not blaming you.
Valentine's Day is the world's way of throwing into your face that Cupid hasn't paid you a visit, and that can be frustrating. So, go ahead fam, destroy all those eeky disgusting things that you want to barf when you see them. We know that everyone (save for the people who find them cute) will see you as a superhero.
One of the final stages of Valentine's Day comes in the form of you calling up your besties and having a conference call about how you're going to end up sad and alone with your 2 cats and 10 dogs (because no one admits to being a cat lady anymore). Because you're alone on this one specific day that's designed to make you feel like crap about being single.
And, in all seriousness, we really did mean it about the "designed to make you feel like crap" part of the last paragraph. Valentine's Day isn't about you getting it on with your boyfriend, your friends and family members can be your Valentine as well, just as long as you care for them.
So, come this 14th, forget about all the things we just spoke about and just have a day for you. You're not going to be wasting any time or money and you'll finally start feeling good about yourself. Even if there is a slight by-product of you slightly feel like you've been brainwashed by feminist propaganda.
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