What It Would Be Like If The Olympics Were Held in Sri Lanka.

In a parallel universe, it has been decided that Olympics 2016 will be held in Sri Lanka (and not Rio) on the 5th of August at the Sugathadasa stadium because, if not dear, old Suga, where else?

With the opening ceremony scheduled at 10 AM, here’s a precap of the games.

1. The opening ceremony is scheduled for 10 AM, but actually starts at12.45 PM

10 am Sri Lankan time is never 10 am. It is the most culturally acceptable thing to start everything late.



2. We’ll bring black back

While the Kandyan dancers do their thang, the lights will go out as the Ceylon Electricity Board will have an unplanned powercut from 1 – 5 pm because more than having smooth electricity, the CEB is better at having electricity breakdowns.


3. Mahinda Rajapakse would not be allowed within a 20 KM radius of the stadium

We all know the weird correlation between the ex president’s presence at any sports event and defeat for the nation. So, for the betterment of the country and because 51% of Lanka  isn’t so hot on him, devices will be planned to assure MR would not be around the vicinity. 

4. People without tickets will somehow have access to the games

You know how we can’t have anything without having people trying to get in illegally? Yeah, that’s bound to happen too.

No ticket? No problem, machang! Let’s jump in!

5. Operation Colombo Facelift

All those pot holes will finally be repaired! Crazy changes to infrastructure will be scheduled to take place a month before the Olympics and won’t be completed – just touched up. #SriLankanStyle

6. VIP passes everywhere!

All the ministers’ kids and their friends and their dogs will be seated on the first row for every single game because werk perks! And if they won’t be alllowed to enter, some will create a huge scene with a classic “”දන්නවද මම කව්ද?”” (Translation: do you know who I am?) and some passerby will video it and this video will go viral on WhatsApp, Facebook and Twitter within seconds. 

7. Sri Lankans will have a newfound interest in sport

To be specific, games for women. Beach volleyball for women will have the most number of spectators. 97% of the crowd will comprise of very decent boys who will attend the Olympics only to get themselves some siblings by sister zoning the foreign chicks with a very polite “”ah, nangi!””.

No indecent comments will be made. Not a single comment. No man shall ogle. At all. 



08. His Excellency, Maithripala Sirisena, will patrol the stadium with toxic stingray tails

With women in sports bras and hot, fit men around, the Enrique Iglesias fiasco has a high chance of being repeated. To preserve the civilised culture of this country, His Excellency Maithripala Sirisena,will pledge to make sure that anyone who behaves in an “”uncivilised”” manner shall be, in his own words, whipped with toxic stringray tails.

9. But despite everything, the Olympic participants will rage with high levels of motivation

With tuks being the official mode of transport for the Olympics, every single participant will be highly inspired to give their best. Because not a mortal would breathe without motivation seeping out of their veins after the uninterrupted dose of tuk tuk wisdom. 

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on whatsapp




The Delightful Indian Cuisine at Navaratna by Taj Samudra

Navaratna is an Indian Restaurant located in Taj Samudra Colombo. Taj Samudra is a 5-star


10 Places to Get Sushi in Colombo

By Janani Vithanage A Japanese dish most often presented as vinegared sticky rice, seafood or

Highlights Kamu Yamu Guide

An ideal dinner date spot in Colombo – Ward 7

By Shamrina Carim Are you struggling to decide where you could have a decent fancy


Reaching new heights at Virticle by Jetwing’s rooftop bar & restaurant

We were so excited to go to the highest rooftop bar & restaurant in Colombo

Highlights Kamu

Satisfy your Kottu cravings at KottuLabs

Located in Nawala down a little lane, Kottulabs is home to the widest and most

Highlights Kamu

A flavorful journey to the North East by Paadum Meen

An ecstatically beautiful place located down Frankfort place, Bambalapitiya has caught a significant eye for

Highlights Kamu


Savor The Salt Of The Sea At Hilton Colombo

Fresh from the seafood markets to your table Colombo, Sri Lanka – 20th June 2022 – Partake


10 Types of Sri Lankans in Petrol Queues

By Janani Vithanage These days, spending time in the petrol queue is almost every Sri

Highlights Trending

Celebrating life with Perera & Sons

by Shamrina Carim Perera & Sons holds a privileged history of catering to the most

Highlights Trending

Before You Watch… Jurassic World Dominion

By Shamrina Carim The movie On a critic of honest opinions, Jurassic World Dominion is


Treats fit for a King at Ramada Colombo this Father’s Day!

Enjoy Father's Day special Grill, Lunch, Dinner, Deliveries, and Stays… This June 19th, we all


Celebrate Father’s Day with your Super Dad at Hilton Colombo!

Looking to express your gratitude for the superhero of your household this Father’s Day? Hilton


Yamu Guide.

10 Places to Get Sushi in Colombo

By Janani Vithanage A Japanese dish most often presented as vinegared sticky rice, seafood or

Highlights Kamu Yamu Guide

The ideal skin care routine with Bio Oil

By Shanali Fernando Feeling overwhelmed, confused, and/or frustrated by the multitude of competing messages about

Highlights Yamu Guide

5 common causes of Dry Skin

The general cause of itchy, dry skin might seem like a no-brainer: It's a lack

Highlights Yamu Guide

7 Places to Watch the SL Vs. AUS ODI Matches

By Janani Vithanage Sri Lankan cricket may ot have been on its best footing over

Highlights Yamu Guide

5 Cooking Tips from Knorr

By Janani Vithanage Being a mother in today’s world is no easy task. From waking

Highlights Yamu Guide

How Bio Oil reduces scars

By Shanali Fernando Still curious about this little pink bottle of magic and what it

Highlights Yamu Guide