Artwork for Sampath Top - April 2018

The Boozy Bubble Tea Taste Test

Why doesn't alcoholic bubble tea exist here yet? This was the very same question we pondered over whilst conducting…

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First of all it is mandatory for me to mention that cheap locally distilled spirits taste exactly like Isopropyl. Not pleasant and not for us weaklings. Only the iron throat of a sea-captain amidst the storm or an uncle at a wedding can successfully handle the terrible burn.

Of course we decided to take this dangerous path and mix together the bottled firewater with the innocent syrupy/synthetic concoction that is bubble tea. Brought to you by Colombo's Curiousest, here's what we think of Alcoholic Bubble Tea.

The Desecration Process

We shipped Shalini off to go get the Teas from Mabroc and Bubble Me respectively. The potions that were brewed are as follows:

Bubble Me's Mixed Berry Slushie with Passion Popping Boba (Rs. 480) 

30ml of Vodka:

I call this one the Drunkard's Berries because it sounds hilarious. The taste however was rather nauseating because the syrup in the tea comes off way too strong and Vodka is generally disgusting. If you don't mind the rather Piriton-y taste then by all means feel free to indulge.

25ml of White Rum:

With Rum, this drink tastes a LOT better than its Vodka-esque counterpart. Rather sweet and pleasant to sip on I'd recommend the addition of Rum even though Rum isn't  my poison of choice.

Mabroc's Blueberry Bubble Snow (Rs. 280 for a regular)

25ml of Gin:

Okay I don't know if the Blueberry Snow slushie itself is disgusting, or if it's the alcohol of choice but this drink tasted like badly flavoured mocktails. The excess sugar in the drink did nothing to hide the awful Ribena taste and Gin being one of my favourite spirits did nothing to salvage it. 5/5 would not recommend. Imagine snorting blueberry syrup. That's how bad this was. On a side note someone remarked that it tasted strangely like blueberry flavoured Hacks toffees so if you can handle the sugar AND like Hacks toffees, this might be a good drink for you.

Bubble Me's Medium Milo Milk Tea (Rs.380)

25ml of Arrack:

Legend has it that if you mix Milo/Chocolate based drinks with just the right amount of alcohol you can make your very own Bailey's Irish Cream dupe.

This didn't happen unfortunately.

After the initial sip the drink only leaves a bad after-taste and the arrack doesn't complement the chocolate as well as we thought.

Mabroc's Passion Fruit Black Tea with Lychee Popping Bubbles (Rs. 280)

165ml of Beer

I've saved the best for last. This concoction is pure genius because not only is it simple but it uses one of the greatest recreational drinks ever made: beer. The mixture tasts like a slightly sweeter 1664 which happens to be my most favourite beer of all time. The result was a nice, refreshing drink you can enjoy whether you're at work or just feel like relaxing with a fruitier drink. A must-try!


On a side note, we need to get sponsored by the Bubble Tea franchises here in CMB because most of their sales come from our staff members on account of most of us being bubble tea addicts.

If this post has inspired you to start your own little Boozy Bubble Tea outlet, then I demand a share since I have so helpfully presented this idea into the world. Or a free drink. I'm fine with either.

The good thing here is that there's so much syrup/synthetic flavour in these teas that they cover up any trace of alcohol. You'll more or less feel a little spike and it won't feel like you're huffing surgical spirit. Do NOT add too much alcohol or all the teas are going to end up tasting like medicine. We'd also recommend not using the ridiculously cheap and disgusting barely-distilled spirits we used.

Of course at the end of this little experiment many of us were quite tipsy and one of us couldn't even count well. So yes, here's something you can try with your friends next time y'all feel like sipping on some of the good stuff. All in moderation though, so do be responsible! 

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