Singapore Is Stealing Kottu – Sakuntalas Vs. Pilawoos.

Sri Lanka is a very backwards country. For the last few months a nationalist, in fact somewhat fascist Buddhist association (in old Ceylon Buddhist fascism isn’t a contradiction) has been fermenting ethnic unrest by protesting against the prevalence of Halal food in local supermarkets. Holding, at times, violent demonstrations to defend the stomachs of the country’s dominant 70% Buddhists from food endorsed by a Muslim council seems like a poor use of time. Especially for people who should be more concerned with spreading nonviolence and renunciation, but more important than their basic spiritual fallacy the Bodu Bala Sena have missed a far greater threat to our nations identity than Halal food. A deep and grievous threat to our sacrosanct national heritage – the Singaporeans are stealing kottu.

That’s right, our national street-food is now available on the streets of Singapore – the self proclaimed food capital of South East Asian (contemptuous smirk). Rebranded as Kottu Pratha, one of their cunning natives must have observed our marvelous delicacy on a little trading excursion to Colombo and scuttled back to their snot sized island with our idea. Now halal food is one thing but this is an outrage. Kottu is sacred to Sri Lankans of all religions – and whatever South Indians might say everyone knows it was invented in Batticaloa back in the 70’s.

This really isn’t a joke. It’s a matter of national branding – Thailand has padthai, Malaysia’s got nasi lemak, Singapore has its laksa and chicken rice (stolen from Malaysia of course). Even their iconic Singapore Chilli crab is made with proud Lankan crabs. Miserable little thieves, they’ve been getting away with it for too long and now they are trying to take Kottu. They must be stopped.

When I first spotted signs advertising kottu pratha in Singapore I was so appalled I refused to dignify this bit of intellectual property theft by ordering it. Still on my most recent visit I noticed that even more , usually Indian hawker/ hole in the wall kades are offering Kottu. Clearly this is a growing menace so I decided it was time for YAMU to do a little investigative journalism and find out if these jumped up Singaporeans really do have any chance of impersonating the taste of a superior island.

I was informed that Sakuntala’s a street level eatery in little India was Singapore’s kottu king-pin their Pilawoos, scoff. So gathering a pool of Sri Lankan tasters and one real Singaporean we headed off to deliver a scathing review of what would surely be the most appalling, overpriced and misguided attempt at a kottu ever.

Shakuntala’s is a fairly unassuming hole in the wall but this is Singapore so even the holes in the wall are spotless, frigidly air conditioned and feature waiters in stain-free! Uniforms. Pilawoos Vs Shakuntalas? Hah. This wasn’t even going to be a contest I mean if the place is this clean they obviously don’t spend enough time on the food. Still, as we had already taken our seats we thought we’d sample their pathetic offerings… just for a laugh.

So moondu kottu pratha, one fish, one chicken, one mutton. Singaporean kottu places are generally Hindu owned –so no beef. Cold, brightly lit with extraneous LCD TV screens Shakuntalas is a world away from old Hotel De Plaza and the Hotel De New Pilawoos. But amid the unfamiliar cleanliness, and strangely attentive service we heard a familiar sound – the Colombo kettle drum – that steel on steel kottu music. So they got something right, it did sound like kottu.

Nah, scoffed one sceptical Lankan – it’s probably a recorded sound track.

Seconds later our dishes appeared. Daintily presented, about half the size of the real thing, with coleslaw and curry sauce in a little cup this gentrified kottu offering looked rather ridiculous. What happened to that plastic bag of curry sauce you have to tear open with your teeth? And coleslaw- absurd.

The review was going exactly as planned – until we took a bite. Shock, horror. It was good. Very good. The mutton (goat meat) was well spiced, served in generous sinew-free hunks and pretty excellent. They use prata aka roti canai which is similar but softer than our local godamba roti as a base which makes for a lighter meal and there were clear, fresh flavours- a touch of fenugreek in the curry powder, – vegetables with the requisite bit of texture and crunch. All chopped to a perfect, fine but not pulpy consistency.

This was a pretty horrific result – the Singaporeans have not only stolen our idea they seem to know how to execute it. I mean it wasn’t an amazing kottu – there was a lack of chili and lemon sharpness also a delicacy that doesn’t capture the greasy-glory of a prime Colombo-kottu. They dont seem to haven learned to incorporate cheese- so they aren’t quite there but they are close. And this really is a dangerous thing.

Singapore, which not long ago (historically speaking) saw Colombo as a model left us in the development dust in the 70’s. They took our place as the beacon of South/South East Asian progress and now we can’t possibly let them take our street food icon. To remain kings of kottu we need to raise our game- raise kottu standards and creativity. It’s time to introduce chocolate kottu, kottu biryani, pizza kottu – and slather more cheese on everything.

But let’s be honest, upgrading or improving in the face of competition isn’t the Lankan way. So lets get back to basics and rather than getting better ourselves lets stop them in their tracks. It’s time for the bodu bala sena to demonstrate in front of the Singporean embassy or, failing that, Bread Talk. Our currently Geneva bound teams of government funded lawyers should be sent to the relevant (probably French) certification authorities and register kottu as an inalienable trade mark of mother Lanka- an appelation orgine controlee like champagne, or iberico ham.

What ever the solution this is a cause worth fighting for and its time that all Sri Lankans Singalese Muslim, Tamil, Hindu Buddhist, Catholic etc band together and rally against this hateful foreign foe. (even though their kottu is good) For those traitors who wish to try it, it its costs $10 about Rs. 1000 and can be found at 151 Dunlop Street)

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on whatsapp

Highlights.

Latest.

KAMU.

Across Borders: A Culinary Bridge Between India and Sri Lanka Through Peshawri’s Timeless Flavors

By Vimasha Vishvadari Peshawri, a renowned restaurant chain, originated from the iconic Bukhara restaurant in

Highlights Kamu

Tenkū – a hidden Gem of the Japanese Cuisine

By Vimasha Weerawansha Ambience  The Kingsbury Rooftop offers a breathtaking panorama of the cityscape and

Highlights Kamu

Discovering Kamikura: A Journey into Authentic Japanese Cuisine

dBy Sharon Nonis Welcome to Kamikura, where the essence of Japanese cuisine meets the heart

Kamu

Full’R Burgers is Flipping into Maharagama

by Vimasha Vishvadari If you're on the lookout for the ideal burger spot in the

Kamu

Yi Jing Unveiled: Sri Lanka’s Top Chinese Dining at ITC Ratnadipa Blends Tradition with Modern Flair

By Poornima Bandara Yi Jing Unveiled: Sri Lanka’s Premier Chinese Dining Experience at ITC Ratnadipa

Highlights Kamu

Seafood Watti Rice: A Flavorful Feast from Fathi’s Spice Attic

Watti Rice is a delightful Sri Lankan dish that combines various meats, such as seafood

Highlights Kamu

Trending.

Mount Lavinia Hotel Hosts Traditional Tree Lighting Ceremony, Welcomes the Christmas Season with Festivities and Special Offerings

Mount Lavinia Hotel welcomed the festive season in grand style with its traditional Annual Tree

Trending

From Dusk Till Dawn: The Visionary Behind Sri Lanka’s nightlife revolution

By Vimasha Weerawansha  If you’re into nightlife and crave bold, unforgettable flavors, Sheran de Fonseka’s

Highlights Trending

Shangri-La Colombo Ushers in the Festive Season with a Spectacular Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony

The festive spirit came alive at Shangri-La Colombo as the hotel hosted its much-anticipated Christmas

Trending

Discover Global Tastes: A Flavorful Adventure at The Kingsbury Buffet

By Sharon Nonis The Kingsbury Colombo offers one of the finest buffet experiences in the

Trending

Authentic Fusion Paella at Ocean

From November 5th to 30th, Ocean at The Kingsbury, invites guests to enjoy an authentic

Trending

Radisson Hotel Kandy Achieves Safehotels Certification

Radisson Hotel Kandy joins Radisson Blu Resort Galle and Radisson Hotel Colombo in proudly achieving

Trending

Yamu Guide.

9 Unisex Gift Ideas for Your Friends

Written by Fathima Rukaiya, Finding the perfect gift for your friends can be a delightful

Highlights Trending Yamu Guide

9 Must-Read Self-Help Books for Personal Growth

By Jordain De Mel In recent years, people have turned to self-help books to serve

Highlights Yamu Guide

Top Restaurants with the best Cashback offers from Mintpay

With Mintpay, have a gastronomic journey and earn cashback rewards as you go! Every taste

Highlights Yamu Guide

10 Places To Celebrate Father’s Day 2024

By Fathima Rukaiya, Father’s Day is a special occasion dedicated to honoring fathers and celebrating

Highlights Yamu Guide

Top 10 Places to Work or Study in Colombo in 2024

By Fathima Rukaiya Hey there! Feeling the walls closing in at home while you work

Highlights Yamu Guide