What It’s Like to Drive in Colombo.

On 18th September I took the streets of Colombo by storm as I cruised through in my Ferrari at 160 kms per hour. 

JK. On 18th September 5 people nearly died, including me thanks to a panic attack, as I was learning to drive so I can get my license before the end of this year.

In one hour of going very scarily at 40 kilometers an hour, here's what I gathered about what it's like to drive in Sri Lanka (for location nazis, Colombo). 

 

1. The jaywalkers (like me)

Jaywalking isn't walking on the street with a joint stuck in between your mouth (although you would love to do that).

It's crossing the road at any place without a zebra crossing. A major apology to everyone I may have given confusion attacks to as I jaywalked in the past. I will not do this again, unless the zebra crossing is very far. By that, I mean 5 metres away.

But these jaywalkers make driving very difficult.

Why do you wanna cross in the middle? Why can't you cross at the crossing? Do you know how our brains have to do a quick race to hit the brakes? Take your ThugLife somewhere else, please. Thank you. 

 

2. The Tooters

This species comprises of mortals who have their hands glued on to the horn.

So, they go toot toot toot for no real reason while your brain and ear drums go blank blank blank.

 

3. The Daniel Ricciardos

These ones think the Marine Drive, Galle road and basically any road is an F1 racing track. CALM DOWN. THIS IS NOT A RED BULL EVENT. YOU ARE NOT DANIEL RICCIARDO. YOU ARE NOT AN F1 RACER.

It gets very confusing when you're driving straight and all of a sudden someone's Alto cuts right across you.

STOP. THIS. RIGHT. NOW.

 

4. The Signal Lovers Inc.

I don't mean the toothpaste here although Signal is love, life and bae. <3

Either turn left/right or switch your signal off. These ones are like your hungry girlfriends who know they're hungry but don't know what they want to eat. The signal light is on, but they won't turn.

You are not that cute boy I am WhatsApping (Aunties, this is a joke. Don't tell my mom, my dad and my dad's sister's husband's grandmom.) So stop sending me mixed signals.

 

5. The Signal Haters Inc, WHYYYYY?

Welcome to the opposite side of the world. These mortals despise the living atoms out of the signal and won't switch it on but two seconds later, SURPRISE MOT#0*&KER!

Make us a part of your decisions, dammit! #Unincluded

 

6. The uncles of the world of driving

These drivers engage in slow, slow driving. 20 kilometers an hour isn't cool, yo. Some of us want to move on in life!

 

7. The space hoggers

They can give you space, but they won't. They can see you trying to move ahead of them, but they won't care. Lost in their own selfish world, these hoggers are the ones your mom told you to stay away from.

 

8. The motor cyclists

There are no sexily clad women lined along the pavement waving flags. You don't have to race to impress. You can live without your sudden swift turns and your VROOM VROOMS.

 

9. The nice drivers

#DonaldTrumpApproves_AsLongAsYouAreNotPartOfAMinority

A little virtual cheek kissy kissy for these nice drivers. These ones, unlike most of us, follow the road rules, give you space when you want to overtake and stop for you to put your turns.

May God grant your blessed souls the highest ranks in Motor Heaven!

 

10. The bus uncles

Yo, bus uncle, we know you're racing to get to that halt first but you don't have to interject our lanes and almost put a halt to our lives in pursuing Mission Get More Passengers.

Thank you.

Also, go slow on the horn. WE ARE NOT BLOODY DEAF! 

 

11. TAMUSETA PAARA PAEN NADDA, YAKO?

If you have not witnessed a crazy Tsunami of swear words being thrust at you or someone else, do you even Sri Lanka, bro?

An occasional hand gesture and scream at another driver with your windows rolled up is vitally important to be able to cruise through the smooth streets of Lanka land.

 

12. Potholes – not for the potheads

This is the uncool kind of pot, the kind of pot that is freely available everywhere – the legal pot.

The pot you don't want, but the pot you have got to endure because how could you get through your day without thudding into one at least once?

 

13. Headlight addict

Sun's out, guns out, headlights out, middle fingers out.

Their mission is to blind everyone with  their headlights by either keeping them on as soon as the clock strikes 5.30 pm or by flicking it in your face every nanosecond.

If you know someone who fits the above, take a hammer and bash their lights.

Be a saviour.

 

14. Road or zoo?

This doesn't happen always, but occassionally, you will witness a cow with its husband taking a honeymoony walk and you can't go "TAMUSETA PAARA PAEN NADDA, YAKO?". And on another occassion, a little doggy will suddenly decide to jaywalk. Once again, you can't and won't go "TAMUSETA PAARA PAEN NADDA?" because animals > humans.

 

Important notice by a concerned citizen

While YOLO may still be a thing – 

Do NOT drink and drive

Do NOT text/call and drive

Do NOT play Pokemon Go and drive

Pay heed to road rules

*Read in motherly voice*

Your life is precious to you and those around you.

Pedestrians' and other drivers' lives may not be important to you, but they are important too.

Drive safe (not sexily)!

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on whatsapp

Highlights.

Latest.

KAMU.

The Delightful Indian Cuisine at Navaratna by Taj Samudra

Navaratna is an Indian Restaurant located in Taj Samudra Colombo. Taj Samudra is a 5-star

Kamu

10 Places to Get Sushi in Colombo

By Janani Vithanage A Japanese dish most often presented as vinegared sticky rice, seafood or

Highlights Kamu Yamu Guide

An ideal dinner date spot in Colombo – Ward 7

By Shamrina Carim Are you struggling to decide where you could have a decent fancy

Kamu

Reaching new heights at Virticle by Jetwing’s rooftop bar & restaurant

We were so excited to go to the highest rooftop bar & restaurant in Colombo

Highlights Kamu

Satisfy your Kottu cravings at KottuLabs

Located in Nawala down a little lane, Kottulabs is home to the widest and most

Highlights Kamu

A flavorful journey to the North East by Paadum Meen

An ecstatically beautiful place located down Frankfort place, Bambalapitiya has caught a significant eye for

Highlights Kamu

Trending.

Savor The Salt Of The Sea At Hilton Colombo

Fresh from the seafood markets to your table Colombo, Sri Lanka – 20th June 2022 – Partake

Trending

10 Types of Sri Lankans in Petrol Queues

By Janani Vithanage These days, spending time in the petrol queue is almost every Sri

Highlights Trending

Celebrating life with Perera & Sons

by Shamrina Carim Perera & Sons holds a privileged history of catering to the most

Highlights Trending

Before You Watch… Jurassic World Dominion

By Shamrina Carim The movie On a critic of honest opinions, Jurassic World Dominion is

Trending

Treats fit for a King at Ramada Colombo this Father’s Day!

Enjoy Father's Day special Grill, Lunch, Dinner, Deliveries, and Stays… This June 19th, we all

Trending

Celebrate Father’s Day with your Super Dad at Hilton Colombo!

Looking to express your gratitude for the superhero of your household this Father’s Day? Hilton

Trending

Yamu Guide.

10 Places to Get Sushi in Colombo

By Janani Vithanage A Japanese dish most often presented as vinegared sticky rice, seafood or

Highlights Kamu Yamu Guide

The ideal skin care routine with Bio Oil

By Shanali Fernando Feeling overwhelmed, confused, and/or frustrated by the multitude of competing messages about

Highlights Yamu Guide

5 common causes of Dry Skin

The general cause of itchy, dry skin might seem like a no-brainer: It's a lack

Highlights Yamu Guide

7 Places to Watch the SL Vs. AUS ODI Matches

By Janani Vithanage Sri Lankan cricket may ot have been on its best footing over

Highlights Yamu Guide

5 Cooking Tips from Knorr

By Janani Vithanage Being a mother in today’s world is no easy task. From waking

Highlights Yamu Guide

How Bio Oil reduces scars

By Shanali Fernando Still curious about this little pink bottle of magic and what it

Highlights Yamu Guide